What about mother?
It was probably the hardest decision we had to make – whether to tell mother or to keep it from her.
My father used to go and see her twice a day at GT Heritage. When he didn’t visit, she would ask for him. If we didn’t tell her, she would continue to ask for him. In the long run, what would it do to her, to ask for him, but not have him visit, and not know what happened to him?
I told myself, and I told my sister and brother, that I could not live with not letting mother see him one last time. But it looks like I now have to live with the fact that, in letting her see him one last time, I have contributed to the worsening of her dementia.
The Monday evening after we scattered his ashes at sea, I received a call that mother was having breathing difficulties, that she couldn’t walk up the ramp from the dining area to the hall. My sister and I went over to get her. In the car, I called Dr R, the geriatrician who’d looked after father’s case and who’d also seen mother once previously.
It wasn’t his clinic night, but he told us to take her to the clinic and he would join us shortly.
X-rays done at the clinic that night showed an enlarged heart and fluid in the lungs. Mother spent the night in ICU. By the next morning, she had stabilised and they were able to move her to a regular room.
The official term for what happened to mother on Monday evening?
Congestive cardiac failure
In other words, heart failure. Scary, but she pulled through. Altho I’m not sure if it’s for the better.
On Monday night, I thought we would lose her. And that we would not get to fulfill father’s wish to look after her for him. My brother, alone in Singapore, sounded devastated on the phone when I told him what happened. For me, I was not at all surprised it would happen. Our parents were really close to each other, and somehow, I knew if something happened to father, it would affect her. And it has.
(When she saw him lying in the coffin, she asked why was he sleeping. And she did say she felt scared. A while later, when we asked her where is he, she gave us her usual reply, that he is at home. It looks like, on the surface, she cannot remember, but deep down, it has affected her.)
She’s a changed person since Monday night. Her speech is often slurred and it’s hard to understand her now. Other than that, her mind is still clear, she can still understand us and do what we ask her to do. It’s just that she can no longer chat with us the way she used to.
From now on, every time I hear her, I will be reminded of the outcome of my decision to let her see father one last time. For it is my decision, which my sister and brother agreed to. I take full responsibility for the way mother is now.
Prayer Request
I’ve asked the Lord to grant me this miracle of giving back mother her speech. Join me if you believe, too.
Last Look
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