Family Get-togethers
When we were children, we would meet often, the younger ones especially, often hanging out in one another’s homes.
When we got older, we met less often, usually during Chinese New Years.
And then not even during Chinese New Years, as we got busy with our own lives, some married and with growing families.
It got to the point where we would only meet during two occasions - someone’s wedding or someone’s funeral.
This evening, I will be meeting up with my cousins. But it won’t be for a wedding. It would be for the wake of one of our older cousins. And then we’ll meet again, for her funeral, maybe tomorrow, or in a few days’ time.
A few weeks back, Sai Goo, my father’s younger sister, had called to say cousin JK was very ill, and suggested that my sister and I visit her. When my sister called cousin JK’s husband to ask how she was and to say we would like to visit her, he said not to visit as it would alarm her because we’ve not kept in touch so visits from all the cousins out of the blue would cause her to ask why.
Two evenings back, Sai Goo called to say cousin JK had been admitted and her husband had expressed a wish that the cousins visit her if we could. So my sister and I went after dinner that same evening.
Cousin JK looked well. She recognised us and clasped my hand tight when I reached out to hold her hand. She’d partially lost her speech but managed to whisper to us a couple of times when we were there. She remained the concerned older cousin as she tried to tell us where the toilets were, in case we needed to go during our visit. When we left, she was sleeping.
Yesterday evening, I returned from my evening walk to find my sister on the phone. She turned when she heard me and said “Cousin JK’s passed away.”
During my sister’s first phone conversation with cousin JK’s husband, when he’d told us not to visit her, I felt very sad that I would not be able to see her one more time. So when Sai Goo called to say he would like us to visit if we could, I felt grateful to be able to see her again.
The last time I saw cousin JK was at my niece’s funeral wake two years ago. Before that, it was for father’s funeral wake the previous year. She’d arrived all apologetic for not visiting during that Chinese New Year; she’d been busy looking after her newborn granddaughter.
That’s how it is when we grow up and get on with our own lives. We lose touch with cousins and relatives, sometimes even with our own brothers and sisters. I’ve been very blessed that my sister, brother and I remain very close, and look to one another for help and support in different areas of our lives. Mother is one reason why we remain close, but it is my prayer that even after she leaves us, we will remain as close as we are now.
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