Posted on 26 October 2009 @ 12:19 in Family
Although we’ve put mother in a nursing home, we try to remain involved with her care. When we visit her, it’s usually either during tea or dinner, so we’ll help to feed her – my sister with tea and I with dinner. As for my brother, he takes care of both when he visits from Singapore.
As mother’s condition deteriorates, she’s often restless, moving her hands to scratch her back or arms, and not keeping still for us to feed her. To help keep her hands still, the carers have given her a small soft toy to hold in one hand and sometimes, a towel to hold in the other. To keep her still during feeding, I have learned that it helps if we engage her in the feeding in some way. How?
It’s especially difficult when we try to feed her liquids, either by putting the mug to her lips or with a spoon. I’ve found that if I tell her to hold the mug and then put her left hand on the mug, for some reason, she can sense that it’s a drinking vessel in her hand, and she would tighten her hand on the mug (instead of just resting the hand on it). When I tell her to drink, I can feel her “helping” to move the mug to her mouth. At the same time, I can see her lips parting in anticipation of the drink coming towards her. When we get her involved this way, the liquid doesn’t spill at all.
When it comes to her bowl of food, I’ve told her to “help” me hold it, then put her left thumb on the rim of the bowl and the rest of her hand around the base. While this keeps her hands still, it doesn’t always get her to open her mouth for the food. More and more, she’ll keep the last mouthful without chewing or swallowing, which could sometimes take a long while! We have learned to watch her and try to get her to talk, because when she does, her mouth will start to chew and swallow. Her feedings are taking longer and longer; often, she’d be the first to start and the last to finish.
This refusal to chew and swallow got so bad recently (we had to use a large syringe pump to feed her) that I went to see her geriatrician , Dr R, about it. He looked at her 2 medications and said she didn’t have to take one of them anymore. Risperdal had been prescribed for her when her condition was first diagnosed, to calm her and minimise her restlessness. Now that she’s confined to a wheelchair, Risperdal was no longer necessary. Or so we thought.
True enough, her chewing and swallowing improved after she was taken off Risperdal. But her restlessness also increased and she was scratching more, and quite violently, too, often leaving streaks of red on her skin. So I called Dr R to suggest we put her back on the dose, but every other evening, instead of the previous daily evening. He agreed, and it worked. Now, mother chews and swallows better, and scratches less, too.
This past weekend, we learned that she’d been coughing. The cough medicine made her drowsy and on Saturday, she slept through tea and was very sluggish over dinner. The next evening, in the car on my way to see her, I found myself wondering if we were going to lose mother soon. But I was in for a surprise when I saw her. I’d greeted her and told her it was dinner, did she want it. She grunted her usual “yes”. And during dinner, she kept her hand on the bowl when I put it there, and finished her food in almost record time. Before I left, I bent close to tell her I was leaving and would come and see her again next week; she rewarded me with another of her “yes” grunts. I was so happy, I tweeted about it on my way home (during a stop at a red light, I hasten to add). This was what I tweeted:
Had a good visit with mum. She was alert. I live 4 days like this.
I was also so pleased with how she held the bowl, I took a picture.
Mother and I – we’ve come to a point in our lives where our roles are now reversed, and I behave like a proud parent everytime she does something encouraging.
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Posted on 17 October 2009 @ 22:36 in Memories, News
Today is the 20th anniversary of the Loma Pieta earthquake, better known as the San Francisco earthquake.
This has been a year of anniversaries …
Of course, every year is an anniversary for some event that’s important to someone somewhere in the world. 2009, however, seems to have more than its share of anniversaries for events that have affected not just individuals, but whole groups of people.
In addition to the San Francisco earthquake, other notable anniversaries in 2009 include the 40th anniversary of both the May 13 incident in Malaysia and Woodstock from 15 to 18 August, and the 20th anniversary of Tiananmen Square on 4 June.
It is also the 40th anniversary of Stonewall on 28 June. I mention this historic event separately because, although I’d heard of Stonewall, I was not aware of its anniversary date until recently.
In contrast, I have personal memories of the other four events.
May 13 in Malaysia
For many years, there were different versions of what happened, why it happened and who was involved. My grandfather’s Chinese herbal shop was on the street where it all started. I still remember all the other shops were already closed, but ours wasn’t. My dad and his older brother refused to close the shop, instead waiting at the entrance and it was only when they saw a group approaching from the opposite side of the roundabout that they decided to pull the metal shutters and lock up. Till today, I still shudder at what would’ve happened if one of them had stumbled and they were a moment too late.
I remember sitting at the round marble table upstairs doing my Malay homework. I also remember thinking “No school tomorrow!”
For many years, the different versions of May 13 conflicted with mine, but the recent publication of May 13 by Dr Kua Kia Soong has verified that what I remember of that night is true.
Woodstock – 3 Days of Love, Peace and Music
No, I wasn’t at Woodstock but I did go to see the movie when it was shown in Malaysia about a year after the event. It was a heavily edited version, altho there were still shots of that naked woman bathing in the open. There was only one female singer in the movie – Joan Baez – and it was there I heard her for the first time, and fell in love with her voice. Another vivid memory from the movie – Alvin Lee of 10 Years After being given a huge watermelon which he slung over his shoulder (can’t remember right or left shoulder).
Years later – late 1990 – I accepted an invitation to visit my professor and her family at their house near Woodstock. She took me to a poetry reading and I wrote this in my journal:
It could only happen in Woodstock. A number of 60s people still remain, and these are the people who have formed a group to protest the possibility of war in the Middle East that seems imminent. There was a draft resistor there who may be going to jail for what he’s doing. IT”S VIETNAM ALL OVER AGAIN.
Tiananmen Square
I was in my final year at the University of East Anglia when Tiananmen Square happened. This is what I wrote in my diary of the event.
Sun – 110689 (1:16)
I’m going down to London later this morning to join a demonstration in Chinatown. Heard about it on the telly on Thurs, and immediately made the decision to go. Was hoping to thumb a ride from Michael and Siu Lin but they’re not going. Apparently, there’s a coach going from UEA but I want to travel on my own.
However, the more I think of it, the more I realise it’d be a mixed demo, with different political groups joining in. All the more reason to go alone, so I can drift away if I get cheesed off.
Mon – 120689 (23:41)
I’ve worked it out that I was on the go 16 hours yesterday – from 6 am to midnight. And it told on my work today. So many errors! Also, I really felt TIRED.
Yesterday has been physically and emotionally exhausting. I took the 7:20 to London and it was a slow train, taking more than 3 hours, and changing once, arriving at 10:13.
As far as demos go, yesterday’s was in the same mould. Apparently, about 20,000 turned up. I don’t agree with a lot that went on, altho the demands were intelligent, particularly asking the British Govt to extend the visas of the mainland Chinese students.
I felt excluded, because almost everyone else there was with a group. I went as an individual.
It was very emotional overall, but the only time I got emotional was during the singing of “Heirs of the Dragon”, especially the line “Black eyes, black hair, yellow skin, forever heirs of the dragon”.
When the march started (after 2½ hours of listening to various speakers), I moved to the first corner and stood there, scrutinising every face walking past. I was waiting either for Julia or the UEA group. No UEA group, but saw Julia and walked up to her. She was REALLY surprised to see me.
She agreed the demo was basically a lot of “fei wah” (literally “wasted words” but actual meaning is “rubbish” or “bullsh*t”). The march progressed to the Chinese Embassy, by which time both of us were really tired and fed-up. Also, I was having one of my infamous headaches. We left at 3:50 p.m.
San Francisco Earthquake
I can’t find my 1989 diary where I must’ve written something about this. The following is taken from a post I wrote recently on the Flickr AlphaSmart group.
I had just arrived in San Diego to start my grad studies in 1989 when the Loma Prieta earthquake happened. Of course, at the time, I didn’t know it was called that. I remember being outside and hearing a female student walk by quite hysterical and telling her friends her grandmother’s in San Francisco and she couldn’t get her on the phone.
Around 2 a.m. that night, my phone rang and it was my sister asking if I was alright and they heard on the news that the Golden Gate Bridge had collapsed. What happened was the tenant in my dad’s shop had heard the Chinese news (news on Chinese language radio) about the earthquake and the bridge in San Francisco collapsing. For many Chinese people around the world, there’s only one bridge in San Francisco and that’s the Golden Gate Bridge, that’s why my sister asked.
Actually, there’s another anniversary of importance this year, altho compared to the other anniversaries I’ve written above, this one is just a “baby”, just a year old. But in terms of magnitude, and especially in terms of what it meant for my beloved giant pandas, the May 12 earthquake in 2008 ranks alongside the others, maybe even more. I observed that 1st anniversary by being with my precious bears on that very day itself.
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